Thursday, May 7, 2009

Are you a stand-in boyfriend?

Argh~ Where is my blogging mood? I don't know, maybe it has been lost ever since the time I got hangover from the night-out at Thai Bar. I wonder if the effect can last that long. Who knows, I've been acting crazy these days and my appetite reached the level where my stomach feels as big as the universe haha. You know, like I ate two plates of steaks and I still got room for more OMG. If not, then probably my mind is concentrating on something else which is a secret right now hehe. Anyway, I still got some things in the store which I haven't really got the time and mood to post up. We'll see.

Here's an interesting topic I found on Lifestyle MSN especially for guys. I would like to share this with you in case you miss it. This should open your eyes bigger and see things clearer. I know some of the guys including myself have been through the same if not the similiar kind of situation.

He’s a stand-in boyfriend.

He's tired of being the shoulder for women to cry on. Should he hold out for something better or give one of these ladies another chance?

By Lynn Harris

Dear Lynn,
I’m in my mid-20s and definitely ready for a serious relationship but I’m not sure if the women I’m drawn to right now can offer me that. With girl #1, things didn’t work out because she seemed to thrive only on drama and the attention I gave her when she was upset about something. She had no idea how draining this was, and she didn’t reciprocate. Basically, I tried to help, and I got burned.

I recently crossed paths with a high-school crush (girl #2) who is hanging onto a particularly lousy ex. I tried to put aside my crush — which she’s aware of — and become the guy whose shoulder she cries on. I even agreed to deliver a late-night hug anytime she can’t sleep, but I decline her invitations to sleep on her couch; she knows I will not take advantage of her. It’s hard, but I’ve adjusted to being lonely.

But now girl #1 is back in the picture, apologizing, and BOTH of them are giving me mixed signals. I’m excited, but also timid: I don’t want to be just a backup parachute for either of them, and now I’m the one hesitating to jump. Can you give me some perspective?
– Mr. Hug

Dear Mr. Hug,
You are kind, giving, attentive, sensitive, respectful, and compassionate. These are wonderful qualities. Do not change.

But when it comes to both of these girls, you need to dry off your shoulder and turn your back. Both of those women have done nothing but convince you that this lopsided exchange — where you serve in the thankless role as nothing but an errant knight armed with tissues — is your fate. You’re spending your evenings listening to a girl moan about her horrible ex rather than mooning over you. You’re waiting for her to give you a cue instead of searching for real love. Of COURSE you’re lonely! You don’t need to "adjust" to it. Instead, ask yourself why you’ve chosen to play this role rather than taking care of your own needs.

Yep, Mr. Hug, it’s time for you to step back and investigate for yourself why, as you say, you’re drawn to this kind of tragic martyr-drama. Give it some thought, and take this to heart: It is NOT the only option available to you. Just because you’re good at it doesn’t mean you can’t do better.

Only after some careful introspection on your part — and plenty of healing time on hers — should you consider trying to make a go of it with girl #2. (Girl #1 is not relationship material.) But don’t put all your expectations on girl #2: Get yourself and your wonderful qualities out there looking for someone strong and stable who appreciates compassion because she’s human, not because she sucks it out of the atmosphere around her. And honestly, Mr. Hug, I can’t wait for you to see what it feels like when a gal says to you, "Here, let me kiss it better."

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